Screaming into the void
Today, I feel like I am screaming into the void. Actually I have felt like this for an age but today it’s getting me down. Mercury is retrograde for just a few more moments and I guess I should be clinging on until it all comes to an end and everything goes back to normal right? Probably not. Elizabeth Peru tells me that things are getting astrologically shot again this weekend. And I am just too exhausted to hear it.
My web browser has at least ten tabs open to meditations I should do, and people I should follow and courses I should sign up to to make me healthier, more patient, more successful etc etc. I really, really do want to listen to all those things because I want to be all those things. I really, really do.
But today, I am tired. And I just want to eat almond croissant and stay in bed. I can’t do either of those things so I am writing to you instead, dear void. I have been writing to you a lot or so it seems. It feels like that even if there are people out there listening they are being pretty quite about it. In truth, they like me they are probably just swamped with information and things they would like to read/do/write etc and the baby is probably also not sleeping at their house and the toilets probably also need cleaning at their place.
Really, all of this is simply about trust for me today. And faith. Neither of which I can conjure. Today, I feel like a fool in pursuit of a life that just wasn’t meant for me. I feel like a nap. Luckily I have a great support team around me in the form of the trinity that is Lightworker Institute. Sometimes being in business with your mum and sister is hard. Sometimes, like today it is awesome. As I ranted via text message to my poor sister she replied:
Well then don’t think about it anymore today. Forget about it for now. Move into a state of gratitude for all of the amazing blessings in your life. Let gratitude flood every cell of your body for the amazing luxury in which you live, that you are safe and loved and amazing and talented and connected and know that your are divine perfection manifesting itself as Ricci-Jane Adams. Everything is just fine. Love you.
It’s pretty amazing advice. I don’t want to do it. I want to eat cronuts and cry. The latter I have been doing freely all morning. I wish I had a cronut. But I don’t. So I’m going to listen to my sister, take a break and see you on the flipside, dear void.